The Gift Teller
The Gift Teller is a Christmas Play. A modern adaptation of O.Henry's, A Gift of the Magi, it was started with the idea that it might play in The Old Globe's second theatre opposite its annual production opf the The Grinch. Other things came along and I put it aside. This last summer I was going through some old work, found it and was inspired to finish it. I had a public reading of it this last December and the reception was as enthusiastic as any I've ever had with my work. I'm now looking for a production of it in 2012. The entire plays is posted below. Read. Hopefully enjoy. Share.
THE GIFT TELLER
There is no set. There is, however, an electric sign over the stage.
A pool of light up ON JULIE, 20'S. Julie is a lovely, young woman with especially beautiful, long hair.
JULIE
The magi, as you know, were wonderfully wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And so, here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house.
(a moment)
Thank you.
THE TELLER enters. He is over fifty. He is (possibly) bearded. He has a rich baritone, an English accent.
THE TELLER
Very nice. Good, yes. Very. Julie, is it? Let's have a look at you. Not the usual audition piece. O. Henry if I'm not mistaken. The Gift of the Magi.
JULIE
It seemed like the right season for it.
THE TELLER
Indeed. And beautifully done. As was the Miranda. And as it just so happens we're doing The Tempest this season.
(a beat)
Well. As you know Young Shakespeare has arranged with British Equity to take two American actors into our company this year. Sort of a cross the Atlantic cultural thing, right? Just two. So it's difficult. So little money. So many excellent choices.
He stares a moment, as if considering something. Then:
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Well, I'm sure you have a dinner of thanks to get to. Thank you for humoring an ignorant Brit and coming in on what is a holiday for you but is a working day for me.
JULIE
Not a problem.
Disappointed, Julie turns away.
GRAHAM LANE
Julie. Thank you again.
Julie exits. The Teller turning to the audience, light pooling around him.
THE TELLER
(speaking normally now)
Not bad? Hmm? The accent, I mean? I'd like to think I'm fair at accents but it's more about character, isn't it. And I'm going to be doing a number of them so for better or worse, you'll have to bear with me.
(Gesturing off-stage)
Julia Gianelli.
(Italian accent)
Gianelli.
(Normally)
Sounds like an opera singer. Or an actress, yes. Hopefully they won't make her change the name.
(Then:)
Well! Let's dig in. Places to go, people to see, that sort of thing.
Lights further up.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
This -
(the empty stage)
- is Manhattan. Now really, you have to go with me here. New York City. It is late November. Already cold. And guess what?
The words come up on the electric sign: Only 29 shopping days until Christmas!
THE TELLER (cont'd)
There are only 29 shopping days till Christmas.
The sign going out; The Teller starting to exit -
THE TELLER (cont'd)
(the empty stage)
Oh - and this is now an art gallery.
- exiting - as TRACY, mid 20's, enters stage left.
TRACY
Sebastian? Sebastian? SEBASTION!!
SEBASTIAN, also mid-20's, enters stage right. He has an apron on, a casserole dish and wooden spoon in hand.
SEBASTIAN
WHAT!???
TRACY
Don't yell.
SEBASTIAN
You did. What is it?
TRACY
You cannot use a client's painting as a dinner table.
SEBASTIAN
It's paint side down and it's by what's his name - Herman Henry Vitz.
TRACY
Oh... well, in that case it's okay.
SEBASTIAN
Is there gravy for these potatoes?
TRACY
Those aren't potatoes, that's stuffing.
SEBASTIAN
I thought the chunky stuff in the blue bowl was the stuffing.
TRACY
(exasperated)
No, those are the cranberries. The green bowl is the stuffing, the chipped bowl is the potatoes.
SEBASTIAN
Are we sure about that?
TRACY
Sebastian, don't wear an apron if you're not going to help.
SEBASTIAN
(exiting)
I'm making gravy.
Daniel Moore, mid-20's, enters behind Tracy. It's cold outside and he is dressed appropriately. He carries a paperbag, has a worn camera bag over his shoulder.
DANIEL
We don't need gravy, I brought salsa!
TRACY
(hugging him)
Daniel!
DANIEL
Sorry I'm late. I also brought wine - two bucks a bottle but one of the better vintages.
TRACY
(taking the bag)
Sebastian, Daniel brought wine! Two Buck Chuck!
SEBASTIAN
(off)
Great! We'll mix it with the tequila!
TRACY
Let me take your coat. Where's Julie?
DANIEL
On her way. She had an audition.
TRACY
On Thanksgiving?
DANIEL
Some English company or something. They're only in town for a couple of days and so...
SEBASTIAN
(entering)
Is salsa any good on mashed potatoes?
TRACY
It might be. Why?
SEBASTIAN
I think I just burned the gravy.
TRACY
Sebastian!
(To Daniel)
Be right back.
(To:)
How do you burn gravy -- ?
Taking the wine, they exit. Daniel turning as -
JULIE
(off)
Hello!?
Julie enters.
DANIEL
Hey!
JULIE
Hey, Stranger. Sorry, I'm late. Oooh, it's freezing out.
DANIEL
Not much better in here. I think we'll be wearing coats for dinner. How'd it go?
JULIE
Oh, you know -
(she's heard this before)
"Thanks for coming in".
DANIEL
Thanks a lot on Thanksgiving.
Julie takes off her hat. As her hat comes off, her hair tumbles down.
JULIE
Yeah, well, these days my career as a waitress is so successful, it might have been the only day I could have come in. Have I missed much?
TRACY
(off)
Sebastian!!!
Sebastian quickly enters.
SEBASTIAN
I burned the turkey. Pretend it's good. Hey, Jules!
He rushes back off.
DANIEL
Shall we go help?
JULIE
Wait a minute, wait -
She kisses him. His hands go almost automatically to her hair, sensuously entwining for a moment.
JULIE (cont'd)
There. Better now.
DANIEL
Much. Uh - speaking of burned...
JULIE
Oh, Daniel, no.
DANIEL
I had a little problem with the oven timer.
JULIE
You don't have an oven timer.
DANIEL
That was the problem.
JULIE
Daniel. I worked on that pie.
DANIEL
I know, I'm sure it would have been delicious.
Sebastian and Tracy now entering, each with two jelly glasses of wine.
SEBASTIAN
Here we go! The heck with the turkey, thanks to Daniel, we have wine!
TRACY
Toast, toast! Daniel, you brought the wine, make a toast.
DANIEL
Okay, uh... okay... to you two for inviting us to what is going to be a delicious Thanksgiving feast -
SEBASTIAN/TRACY
Thank you - thank you!/It is - would have been.
DANIEL
And to Julie for forgiving me that I burned her pie.
SEBASTIAN
What?
JULIA
I haven't yet.
SEBASTIAN
And I won't.
DANIEL
Please?
JULIE
You... are forgiven.
SEBASTIAN
Boys and girls, let's get it to the table!
As they all exit, talking at once:
TRACY
It's not a table, it's a painting.
SEBASTIAN
As a painting it's a better table.
TRACY
Daniel, you've got to take pictures!
SEBASTIAN
Daniel, always takes pictures! Getting him to stop...!
The Teller has entered as they've gone. He is carrying a small simple lamp.
THE TELLER
They don't know it yet but in a future of tablecloths, perfect turkeys and champagne, they will look back and find that this was perhaps the most memorable meal of all.
(The lamp)
This... is a television.
He puts it down on the downright corner of the space.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Did I mention that Christmas is right around the corner?
He gestures - the lighted sign comes up again - ONLY 28 and 1/2 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!!!
He exits as Daniel and Sebastian enter; Sebastian expertly preparing a cigar for smoking; biting off the tip, etc.
SEBASTIAN
(the cigar)
You sure you won't partake?
DANIEL
Uh-uh. I don't know how you smoke those things.
SEBASTIAN
I don't, but Tracy let's me prepare to.
DANIEL
So what are you getting her?
SEBASTIAN
Huh?
DANIEL
Tracy. For Christmas?
SEBASTIAN
We have this great system. She gets me something she wants. I get her something I want. What are you getting Julie?
DANIEL
I was thinking... jewelry.
SEBASTIAN
Really.
DANIEL
A ring... maybe.
SEBASTIAN
Really. A diamond ring perchance?
DANIEL
Perchance.
SEBASTIAN
It's that serious, huh?
DANIEL
It is for me.
Daniel turning to look across the stage as Julie and Tracy enter stage left.
SEBASTIAN
Yeah, well, you're both young, destitute, barely getting by. Why not ask her to marry you?
DANIEL
That's what I thought.
SEBASTIAN
How about a little football?
Daniel and Sebastian, move downstage to turn on the lamp.
TRACY
I don't want to jump to conclusions but somebody has not taken their eyes off you all evening.
JULIE
Funny how it works. Before Daniel, I always dated guys who were well... who were different than Daniel.
TRACY
You mean unreliable, unfaithful and mostly involved with themselves?
JULIE
So you have met my old boyfriend.
TRACY
I had him first.
JULIE
What are you and Sebastian doing present-wise for Christmas?
TRACY
We have this interesting system. I get him something he wants and he gets me something he wants. Why?
JULIE
I'd like to get Daniel something special.
TRACY
Tough call. What do you get for the man who has practically nothing?
Suddenly:
SEBASTIAN
Hey! Come quick! Julie's on television
Julie groaning as everyone moves to the "TV".
JULIE
No!!
SEBASTIAN
Residuals, baby!
(Announcer voice)
Oooh! Do you have hair like mine? So glossy, so silky wet. Pearls oozing through it like maggots through jelly.
The ladies shudder at the thought.
TRACY
Sebastian.
JULIE
(a high chipper voice)
Resolve! Rich in petroleum by products! I use it!
JULIE/TRACY
Every day!
They laugh.
DANIEL
(staring at the TV)
I think you're beautiful.
(Catching himself)
Her hair... you'know - beautiful.
JULIE
Three years of acting class all so it could almost be set on fire.
SEBASTIAN
What's this?
DANIEL
On set. They kept spraying this gel on her hair. Some of it got onto a light and it burst into flame.
JULIE
It's how we met. Daniel put me out.
TRACY
That is so romantic.
SEBASTIAN
Don't tell me - and you were so grateful afterward you said yes when he asked you out.
JULIE
No.
(Smiling at Daniel)
I asked him.
SEBASTIAN
(Turning off the "TV")
Now that is romantic. How come you never asked me out?
TRACY
I liked you worshiping me from afar. As possible.
She hugs him.
SEBASTIAN
Come on, who wants to go out for ice cream?
Everyone agrees. As they start to exit, the sound of a cell phone ringing.
DANIEL
Get the coats. I'll be right there.
He turns away. Lights pool on him; come up on The Teller. He is now:
MICHAEL
Danny, it's Mike.
DANIEL
Michael, hi. I was going to call you. Happy Thanksgiving.
MICHAEL
It is for some people, kid.
DANIEL
Oh, no. What's wrong?
MICHAEL
What's not? The old man's train gets in around two yesterday afternoon. By five, the house is too drafty, the kids are too noisy and the sound of the ocean is gonna keep him awake at night. This is the cape, there's nothing but ocean.
DANIEL
Please tell me this gets better.
MICHAEL
You tell me, bro. People start arriving around noon today. He ignores our guests, he insults Cynthia and her parents and then he want to know why the hell you're not here.
DANIEL
Michael, I told him, I couldn't get away, I had to work.
MICHAEL
Kid, he knows this. To make a long story short, we're just sitting down to dinner when he decides his emphysema is acting up, and he needs to go the emergency room.
DANIEL
Is he okay?
MICHAEL
They decided to keep him for observation overnight.
DANIEL
Are you?
MICHAEL
You know, Cynthia almost had me convinced it wouldn't be a bad thing if we moved him into this assisted living community in Barnstable? Now I'm not sure New York is far enough away for me.
DANIEL
Give me the number of the hospital. I'll give him a call.
MICHAEL
Suit yourself. Kid. But if it was me? I wouldn't bother.
Daniel stands, lost in thought. Light change. Julie enters with Daniel's coat and camera bag.
THE TELLER
And now, four ice cream cones on a frigid night later....
He exits.
JULIE
Thanks!
DANIEL
It was great, you guys!!
SEBASTIAN/TRACY
See you/Stay warm!
DANIEL
Hey, dinner this next week! The four of us! Pizza!
We sense they're now walking.
JULIE
I really like your friends.
DANIEL
They're your friends now.
(Then:)
They think you're good for me.
JULIE
I am.
(Then:)
Want to talk about the phone calls?
DANIEL
Not really.
JULIE
Your choice.
DANIEL
My father. He has some health problem and he shouldn't be living by himself. And he doesn't like it, so he drives anyone who tries to help him totally crazy.
JULIE
You included?
DANIEL
Mostly he hates being retired and he misses my mother.
JULIE
Want to know the kind of man your boyfriend's going to turn out to be? Meet his father.
DANIEL
Forget it, you'll run for the hills.
(Then; stopping:)
But maybe I should meet your Mom.
JULIE
You don't need to. She's as sweet as I am.
DANIEL
You're sure of that, huh?
JULIE
You'll just have to take my word.
They're about to kiss. Suddenly Julie sags.
DANIEL
What's the matter? You okay?
JULIE
Daniel, do you think I'm wasting my time?
DANIEL
What do you mean?
JULIE
I can't stop thinking about it, beating myself up over another audition. Then watching myself do that stupid commercial. I mean, we're just barely getting by, all of us, all because we want to do something or be something we'll probably never be. It makes no sense. We should grow up and get real.
(a moment; snapping out it)
Sorry. Where were we? Oh, yeah.
They're about to kiss - - they both look up.
JULIE (cont'd)
No. Snow?
DANIEL
Rain.
JULIE
Frozen rain.
DAN
I have twenty bucks burning in my pocket.
JULIE
A rich guy. I have eight bucks in mine.
DANIEL
Feel like taking a cab?
The Teller moves in. He is a homeless man.
THE TELLER
Hey, uh... sir? Look, uh... I'm outta work and I got a wife and kids and... it's twenty eight and a quarter days to Christmas... maybe you could help me out.
Daniel gives him the twenty dollars
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Hey... thank you... thank you.
He exits.
DANIEL
Afraid it's the subway.
Julie takes Daniel's arm.
JULIE
I love the subway. Your place or mine?
DANIEL
Mine. I want to show you something.
They exit. The Teller entering. He stares pleasantly at the audience for a moment. He begins to whistle to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Until:
THE TELLER
(singing)
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice!
(To the audience)
Everybody!
(Singing)
Santa Claus is coming to town!
Lightchange. The Teller moves around the perimeter of the playing space, pointing - at the floor, at the back wall. And where he points, a small spot of light appears as:
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Did you know that some modern psychologists now believe an overly judgmental nature can damage a child's self esteem. It's true. They say, that children are not rewarded according to good or bad but rather, they receive gifts according to the amount of money their parents are willing or able to spend on them. A good child may receive nothing because his or her parents are poor. And because they've been taught that only bad children receive no gifts, they assume they are bad. And an ill-behaved child who's parents bury him in gifts may come to the conclusion that good behavior counts for nothing. I would suggest that the greatest gift one human being can give another is love. Love is priceless and it costs next to nothing. All the shiny wrapped presents in the world can't replace...
(to the audience)
"I love you".
Daniel and Julie entering.
DANIEL
This is why I really burned the pie.
Julie staring at the pools of light.
THE TELLER
I would like you to imagine photographs. Black and white. Of people. Of happiness. Sadness. Tears. Rage. People.
Picking up the lamp, he exits.
JULIE
You did this today?
DANIEL
I did the framing over the last few weeks but yeah.
(a moment)
You're over here.
She turns. She stares. We sense there is more than one picture - many more. And as Julie stares, Daniel takes out his camera.
JULIE
I don't know what to say.
Click! Daniel, camera now in hand, moves to a different angle. Click.
JULIE (cont'd)
Stop.
He takes another.
JULIE (cont'd)
(giggling)
Daniel!
She reaches out to put a hands over the lens.
DANIEL
Whoa, careful. She's old and cranky.
He hands it to her. She carefully takes it.
JULIE
Leika. What is a Leika?
DANIEL
It's a German company. They've been making cameras since 1901. This one's a collector's item - an M4, first produced in 1967. My mother gave it to me when I was a kid. It was hers.
Click. Julie takes a picture. She hands the camera back. She looks around.
JULIE
You really should show these, Daniel. I bet Tracy and Sebastian would give you a show.
DANIEL
I don't know. Maybe when they're good enough.
JULIE
They already are.
DANIEL
Hey - come here. I want to show you the my favorite shot in the whole place. Other than you.
He turns her - downstage, into --- moonlight.
DANIEL (cont'd)
Jut a glimpse... of the New York skyline.
JULIE
It's beautiful.
DANIEL
You're not crazy, Julie. You can be anything you want to be. Because anything can happen there.
JULIE
Daniel?
DANIEL
Hmm?
JULIE
You make me happy.
Tableau. Lights fading on them. The Teller enters. He has a bell in his hand. He rings it.
THE TELLER
(speaking)
Sleigh bells sing. Are you listening? In the streets, snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter land.
(Then:)
Christmas really is a magic time in New York City. Especially when the weather cooperates. Meaning cold. Hopefully snow. Not wet but like sugar - frozen confetti that crunches underfoot. You bundle up, wrap scarves around your neck and chin, pull down warm silly hats. Everyone walks slower, carrying bags, looking in windows. Doorman with shovels try to keep pace with the falling flakes and succeed in merely making the sidewalk more slippery. The horse drawn carriages on 59th, adjacent to Central Park and the Plaza Hotel, seem like much more suitable transportation than taxi cabs. Fifth Avenue. Christmas lights. Garlands strung across the street. Puppet shows and toys in the windows at Saks. Skaters on the rink at Rockefeller Center. And off 45th Street, Daniel's favorite store in the entire city.
He raises the bell - ding-a-long! Lightchange as Daniel and Julie enter. Daniel immediately moving across the stage to look at:
DANIEL
Isn't it incredible?
JULIE
Very. What is it?
DANIEL
Only a Leica Sumicron M-90, the jewel of modern camera lens technology. Focal length from 21 to 135 millimeters. F-stop less than a tenth. Camera compatible going back 50 years.
JULIA
Wow. I have no idea what you just said.
DANIEL
What I'm saying is I could take some great photos with it.
The Teller crossing to them. He has put a yarmulke on his head and is now SAUL ROSEN. He speaks with a heavy Jewish accent.
SAUL ROSEN
Of course you could. And for a mere twelve hundred dollars, it's yours.
DANIEL
Hey, Saul.
SAUL ROSEN
Hey? Hey is for horses. Who is this magnificent creature and how is it you find yourself so lucky as to be in her company.
DANIEL
This is my friend, Julie. Julie, this is Saul.
SAUL ROSEN
(kissing her hand)
I am blinded by such radiance.
The actor playing Sebastian now enters. His attention on Julie.
LARRY
(a Brooklyn accent)
Hey! Hey, Danny, how ya doin' -
(to Julie)
I'm Larry. What can I sell you?
SAUL ROSEN
Get outta here, you. She's taken.
LARRY
Not by you. Did you tell him the new Nikon's in?
SAUL ROSEN
Why should I? He's interested in art, not technology.
LARRY
Want to take a look?
DANIEL
Absolutely.
They move away. Saul looking amused.
SAUL ROSEN
Him I like. You should too.
(Then:)
You've heard this before but you have beautiful hair.
JULIE
Thank you.
SAUL ROSEN
And hair I know. My wife comes from a family of wig makers.
JULIE
Jewish wigmakers?
SAUL ROSEN
Orthodox women, when they marry, they cut their hair and wear wigs. Why? Who knows. Maybe so we'll take them seriously. Good hair, hair like yours, short supply. If you ever want to sell.
JULIE
I don't think so.
(Then, looking down:)
Tell me more about this lens Daniel likes so much.
Lights fade slightly on them and up on Daniel and Larry.
LARRY
- over 400 shots on a chip. You get yourself hooked up with the latest software, you don't take photographs, you make photographs.
DANIEL
(not really interested)
Yeah, well. Not anytime soon.
LARRY
What. You can have it right now. Get out of the dark room. I'll give you twenty-five hundred for the Leica.
DANIEL
It's worth that much?
LARRY
To a collector? Better believe it. More. Tell you what. Twenty-eight hundred plus my discount on the Nikon. You'd even have something left over to buy your good lookin' girlfriend Christmas presents.
Daniel glancing back over to where Julie is chatting and smiling with Saul. Hesitating. But then:
DANIEL
I don't think so.
LARRY
Your decision, Danny. But you change your mind -- you know where to find me.
Lights back to:
JULIE
Twelve hundred dollars?
SAUL ROSEN
You find a better price anywhere, I'll match it.
Julie glancing over to where Daniel and Larry are talking. She sighs.
JULIE
It might as well be a million.
Larry exiting - lights changing as:
DANIEL
It'd be nice though...
JULIE
But wouldn't it be nice...
Daniel and Julie exit together. The Teller turning, taking off the yarmulke. He moves side stage for a bright, colorful piece of wrapping paper. He begins to fold it as:
THE TELLER
It's confusing this whole thing of gifts, isn't it. One wonders where it all started. Santa Claus? He was created out of the legends of the Greek sea God, Poseidon and the Teutonic god, Hold Nickar. In the Christian church he was St. Nicholas, a bishop from Asia Minor who adored children, who threw gifts anonymously into the windows of their homes and on occasion brought dead ones back to life. Hardly the round, rosy cheeked figure created as an advertisement by a soft drink company in 1931.
(a beat)
At any rate....
He holds up the folded paper. He has created an origami Santa Claus. As he exits, Daniel and Julie enter - and stop.
DANIEL
Well.
JULIE
Gotta get to work. This has been great.
DANIEL
Hey, listen, I was wondering something.
JULIE
What? Daniel.
DANIEL
I was thinking that maybe we could spend Christmas together. I could make something at my place - Christmas dinner - or better yet, Christmas Eve, because then you could...
(spend the night)
- "re-make your pie" and I could get us a little tree. Just a thought.
JULIE
I would like that very much.
DANIEL
It's a date then.
JULIE
It's a date.
They kiss.
DANIEL
See ya.
JULIE
See ya.
She watches him exit. The Teller enters to watch her exit. He is holding a stack of:
THE TELLER
Christmas cards.
He shuffles through them.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
These days, as often as not, a current photo of the family with a holiday greeting on the back.
(Holding up)
This one -
(reading)
- tis the season to be jolly.
(to the audience)
But in between the fa-la-lah, families can open holes in the heart.
(Holding up a card)
Julie, for example, couldn't afford to go home last year, and this year, it's even more impossible. Her family back in Indiana is a close one and once again they will celebrate the season without her.
(Holding up another card)
Tracy is estranged from her parents. They're, shall we say, conservative. They don't approve of her. They never have.
(Another)
Sebastian, an only child, has parents that are divorced. They fight over who will have him for the holidays and so as not to hurt feelings, he ignores them both. So look at the loved one next to you and consider yourself lucky. There are people who would envy you.
(a beat)
Oh - and as for Daniel --
(moving sidestage)
Pardon me -
Whistling God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, he moves side stage, puts down the cards, takes up a bathrobe and puts it on. He pulls a small step ladder to the center of the stage.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
There.
And now he kicks it over with a clang. He is now -
PHILIP MOORE
Ah, son of a blinkety blank blank blank!
(Coughing)
God bless it gahhhh!!
DANIEL
(off)
Dad? Dad!? Dad, where are you!?
PHILIP MOORE
I'm in the blinety-blank kitchen! Where do you think I am?!
(coughing; then:)
Of all the nonsense -
Daniel rushes in.
DANIEL
Dad!? You okay?
PHILIP MOORE
What? Of course, I am!
DANIEL
What happened?
PHILIP MOORE
I think it's obvious what happened. I fell off this damn step ladder.
DANIEL
Dad, I can change lightbulbs for you.
PHILIP MOORE
If I wait for you to change my lightbulbs, I'll be waiting in the dark.
He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his robe pocket. Daniel grabs them.
DANIEL
Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
Give me those back.
DANIEL
No way. You can't smoke.
PHILIP MOORE
Don't tell me what I can and can't do. God knows, they're my one remaining pleasure. Daniel.
DANIEL
(tossing them to him)
Fine. Your funeral.
PHILIP MOORE
Exactly that.
He puts them in the pocket of his robe.
PHILIP MOORE (cont'd)
How'd you get in here?
DANIEL
I have a key.
PHILIP MOORE
Since when?
DANIEL
Since always.
PHILIP MOORE
I want it back.
DANIEL
Forget it.
PHILIP MOORE
Hmmph. Why are you here? Do you need something? You must. You look like a barn door.
DANIEL
I do?
PHILIP MOORE
I'm old, I'm supposed to.
DANIEL
I'm young - unlike you, it looks good on me. Are you eating?
PHILIP MOORE
Food doesn't taste good.
DANIEL
You have to eat, Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
Don't tell me what to do. Why are you here? Shouldn't you be off doing that... prop work?
DANIEL
It's called production assistant.
PHILIP MOORE
Assistant. I keep waiting to hear you've come to your senses and plan on doing something reasonable with your life.
DANIEL
Actually I just entered this great contest. The losers they send to law school.
PHILIP MOORE
Did you come by just to make fun of my profession.
DANIEL
Dad. I wanted to make sure you were okay, that's all.
PHILIP MOORE
Why wouldn't I be?
DANIEL
You haven't put up a Christmas tree.
PHILIP MOORE
Why do it when I don't have to.
DANIEL
We could do it together.
PHILIP MOORE
Hmmph. Something on your mind other than fiddle-faddle?
DANIEL
I... I wanted to talk to you about something.
PHILIP MOORE
What's that.
DANIEL
Mom's engagement ring.
Philip is silent.
DANIEL (cont'd)
I think I've met someone, Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
Think or know?
DANIEL
Know. I know. And I can't afford a ring. And I wondered maybe if I could have - or borrow - hers. To keep in the family. I think she'd like that.
PHILIP MOORE
Do I get to meet this young lady?
DANIEL
Of course. Eventually.
PHILIP MOORE
May I at least ask her name?
DANIEL
Julie.
PHILIP MOORE
Julie. Does she have a last name?
DANIEL
Julie Gianelli.
PHILIP MOORE
Sounds like an opera singer.
DANIEL
No, she's an actress, Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
She'd better change her name then.
DANIEL
And that's why I haven't introduced her to you! She'll think stupidity runs in the family.
PHILIP MOORE
Well, Daniel, we're at a bit of a roadblock here. Because if you think I'm going to place your mother's wedding ring into the hand of some little chickadee I've never met and know nothing about, you're sadly mistaken.
DANIEL
She's not a "chickadee" -
PHILIP MOORE
I'm sure she's not a lot of things -
DANIEL
- she's beautiful and smart and talented and I should be so lucky that she'd say yes if I asked her to marry me.
(a beat)
And that should be enough.
PHILIP MOORE
Well, it's not.
Daniel, staring sadly.
DANIEL
Michael was right. I don't know why I bother.
Daniel exits. Taking off the bathrobe, the Teller moves the ladder off stage. He comes back.
THE TELLER
It's hard to be old and alone at Christmas. Especially when memories of your Christmas' past hang in the air.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
And now - - another gift.
He gives a single ring on his bell. As he takes the stool off to the side, Julie enters, crossing. Her cell phone rings. She stops to answer it.
JULIE
Hello? Yes, this is Julie. You're kidding. Yes! Yes, I'm interested! Yes, I'll call tomorrow... Yes!! Merry Christmas to you!
(Softly; to herself)
I'm going to London.
(Loudly, to the entire world)
I'm going to London!
She exits at a run.
THE TELLER
Getting more complicated by the minute, isn't it.
He points. Lights up on the sign - Only 19 more days till Christmas!
He rings the bell again. Daniel glumly enters. The Teller, turning.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
(a plummy sophisticated" voice)
Good day! May I help you, sir?
DANIEL
No, I'm just... I'm looking.
THE TELLER
If I can be of service, let me know.
A moment. Daniel looking.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Those are watches.
DANIEL
Expensive watches.
THE TELLER
Most young people today don't wear watches. They use their cell phones to tell time. They use their cell phones to do everything. Perhaps you're interested in a cell phone? In which case you've come to the wrong place.
DANIEL
Actually I'd like to look at rings.
THE TELLER
Rings! In that case, you've come to the right place. Friendship rings, tongue rings, Superbowl rings? Or dare I guess... a diamond?
DANIEL
...yes.
THE TELLER
Excellent. Over here, please.
He leads Daniel to an imaginary case. Daniel looks. A moment.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Who's the lucky girl?
DANIEL
Just... a girl.
THE TELLER
I doubt I'd know her.
A moment.
DANIEL
Can I look at that one?
THE TELLER
Ah, good choice.
He "gives" it to Daniel. Daniel "looking" at it.
DANIEL
She's an actress.
THE TELLER
Is she?
DANIEL
She was offered a job this week.
ACTOR
(meaning it)
Good for her.
DANIEL
The Young Shakespeare Company. A ten month contract.
THE TELLER
She must be very talented.
DANIEL
She is.
(Then:)
It's in London.
THE TELLER
Ah.
DANIEL
She wants to move to the most expensive city in the world to do a dead playwright no one's interested in anymore.
THE TELLER
I rather like Shakespeare.
DANIEL
(the truth; sigh)
I do too.
(Handing the ring back)
May I see that one?
THE TELLER
Of course.
DANIEL
She didn't know what to say at first.
THE TELLER
To your proposal?
DANIEL
To Young Shakespeare. It's a big decision.
THE TELLER
As is marriage.
DANIEL
She said yes.
THE TELLER
To you?
DANIEL
To London.
THE TELLER
(Gesturing at the rings)
And yet, we're....?
DANIEL
Hoping she might change her mind.
(Then:)
How much is this one?
THE TELLER
That is fourteen hundred and seventy eight dollars.
DANIEL
(a sigh)
Do you have anything smaller?
THE TELLER
How much smaller?
DANIEL
Much, much, much, much, much smaller.
THE TELLER
Let's take a look in the case over there.
Daniel turning to exit. The Teller turning to the audience to say -
THE TELLER (cont'd)
A ring, of course, is a circle. Medieval scholars considered it a symbol of God, who's center is everywhere and who's circumference is nowhere. A ring, no matter how small, symbolizes love and hope; the hope... that love will take on the characteristics of the circle and capture eternity.
He exits as Julie and Tracy enter, carrying Starbucks coffees. It's cold out.
JULIE
So a cheap, round trip ticket to London's, like, four hundred bucks. I might be able to do better, but -
TRACY
About that.
JULIE
Yeah.
TRACY
Unless you have advantage miles.
JULIE
I don't. And a place to stay while I find a place to stay is... what do you think, a couple of hundred?
TRACY
At least.
JULIE
A week?
TRACY
A night.
JULIE
Ouch.
TRACY
And when you find a rental, even if it's as a roommate, it's going to be insanely expensive
JULIE
Tracy.
TRACY
These are the facts, Jules.
(a beat)
You giving up your apartment?
JULIA
Do you know how long it took me to find that apartment?
TRACY
So unless you can find a sub-let right away - - you're going to have to cover your rent here...
JULIE
And that's another eleven hundred a month. So just to make it through the first two weeks, I need, like, twenty-five hundred bucks.
TRACY
You plan on eating?
JULIE
Okay, twenty-five fifty.
(a sigh)
I hate facts.
(a beat)
I need another job.
TRACY
Julie, you're already doing double shifts at the restaurant.
JULIE
I know. I just don't want to give up on this. Not yet.
TRACY
What about Daniel?
JULIE
We... haven't really talked about it much yet.
TRACY
Oh.
JULIA
Yeah.
TRACY
You probably should.
JULIE
We will. Eventually.
TRACY
He's a good guy.
JULIA
He's a great guy.
TRACY
So...?
JULIE
Tracy, all I can think about right now is I need another job.
TRACY
Come on. I might have something.
They exit. The Teller enters. He has a pad of paper and a pencil in hand and is focused on it. He looks up, sees the audience.
THE TELLER
Have you ever stopped to consider that the physics of Santa Claus and his gift giving don't work?
He begins scratching out the equations on his pad.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Let's say there are oh, seven billion people in the world. Number of children who believe in Santa Claus - 2 billion. Number of destinations, say 189 million. Assuming children sleep, on least on Christmas, 7 hours a night, Santa has approximately 31 hours to make all his deliveries. This works out to about 1,598 houses a second which means he has 615 microseconds to stop a sleigh which is going a little under a thousand miles a second, land it on a roof the size of a postage stamp, get down a chimney, distribute presents, get back up again and move on. This is not even taking into effect that if the average toy weights 2 pounds, the sleigh is carrying about a billions pounds of cargo and the load occupies about 100 million cubic feet. How is this possible?
He holds up the pad, showing the audience his calculations.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
It isn't. Obviously there is no Santa Claus. Or is there? Perhaps there are some things in this world, like love and friendship and the laughter of children - and Santa Claus - that can't be explained but are undeniably true.
He rips the sheet of paper off the pad and crumples it up.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
I think so.
He exits. Tracy entering behind him -
TRACY
Here! Here is perfect. I want it here. Sebastian, here!
Sebastian enters. He is carrying a bizarre looking wire sculpture that looks like an old television antennae with lights on it.
SEBASTIAN
Here?
TRACY
Right here.
SEBASTIAN
Not there?
TRACY
Here.
SEBASTIAN
And not over there because it was there two minutes ago before you asked me to move to there which is where it was before here.
TRACY
Here it will stay.
Sebastian puts it down.
SEBASTIAN
There.
TRACY
It's not right.
SEBASTIAN
Tracy!
TRACY
What?
Daniel enters.
DANIEL
Well, that's unusual.
SEBASTIAN
Daniel! Thank God. Tell her it looks great where it is.
TRACY
Daniel, no. Tell us what you think.
DANIEL
What is it?
SEBASTIAN
It's a Herman Henry Vitz.
DANIEL
A what?
SEBASTIAN/TRACY
A Herman Henry Vitz!
SEBASTIAN
He calls it Death of a Galaxy -
TRACY
But we -
SEBASTIAN
- you -
TRACY
- we - think it looks like a Christmas tree.
DANIEL
It's... very interesting.
TRACY
See? He totally gets it. Let's try it over there.
Tracy and Sebastian start to exit.
DANIEL
Wait - Julie left me a message, said she was here?
TRACY
Yes! She's been in back all day, going over our books.
DANIEL
Books, what books?
SEBASTIAN
She's good with math, dude. Least better than I am. Oh - and the London gig sounds great!
They're gone. Julie enters carrying a ledger.
JULIE
Hey!
DANIEL
(turning)
Oh! Hey!
(The ledger)
You're... doing stuff.
JULIE
Trying to. Their accountant should be shot or deported.
DANIEL
That would be Sebastian. I didn't know you did this.
JULIA
I don't. But it's pretty easy with a calculator and Quickbooks. And they're paying me twenty bucks an hour to learn.
DANIEL
Wow.
JULIA
Oh! And I was talking to the manager at the restaurant? They're going to give me some more shifts. I just might be able to swing this, Daniel!
She exits - passes Sebastian who enters and -
SEBASTIAN
Whew. Thank God that's over. She likes it.
DANIEL
What are you, crazy?
SEBASTIAN
Huh? What'd I do?
DANIEL
You gave Julie a job!
SEBASTIAN
Tracy did. She needs one. And we need someone who can straighten out my books.
DANIEL
She wants to go to London, Sebastian! I want to marry her, not kiss her goodbye!
SEBASTIAN
Oh.... yeah.
DANIEL
Yeah - oh.
SEBASTIAN
Uh, Daniel - don't take this wrong but - if it's that serious between you two, her going to London is not saying goodbye to anything. And if it is, well, it's not that serious. Is it?
Daniel is silent.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
You could always go with her, dude.
DANIEL
Oh, right. Last time I checked I had a job.
SEBASTIAN
Some job.
DANIEL
I also have my father to think about.
SEBASTIAN
Some father.
DANIEL
Hey, look, I found him on the floor last week, so don't tell me what I can do and what I can't do, all right?
SEBASTIAN
So what do you want me to do?
DANIEL
Just - don't give her too many hours. And if you hear of any other part time jobs, I'm looking.
They exit in opposite. The Teller enters to watch them go.
THE TELLER
(Then:)
And now, guess what? Daniel's boss - the commercial director of the flaming hairspray - is throwing a very elaborate Christmas party. And you are invited!
He turns - rings his bell - ding-ding!
The sign lights up - ONLY 18 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!!
He rings it again. Lightchange!! The sound of Jingle Bells Rock.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Everybody!
He leads them in a little Jingle Bell Rock, even dances a bit, as Julie and Daniel enter. Julie is wearing a cocktail dress. Daniel is wearing a sportsjacket. They both look uncomfortable. The Teller turns to them.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
(a broad, bluff voice)
Danny-boy!
The Teller is now:
DANIEL
Hi, Ben. This is --
THE TELLER
Girl with hair. I remember.
DANIEL
Some party. Thanks for inviting us.
THE TELLER
No problem. You're on contact list.
(To Julie)
Kidding - kidding. I love this kid, I love him.
(Then:)
C'mon - eat, drink, dance, make friends, have fun. You better. This stupid party is costing me a fortune.
He exits. Daniel and Julie look around in dismay.
DANIEL
It's not Thanksgiving, is it?
JULIE
I liked Thanksgiving a whole lot better.
DANIEL
How about we just eat some food and then leave.
JULIE
I think that's a great idea.
DANIEL
I'll go get us something.
Daniel moves away. Julie sipping her champagne, looking around.
BRUCE STURGIS - the actor playing Sebastian - enters. Sloppy clothes, leather jacket. He has a grinning, confident, good ol' boy charm. EVA - the actress playing Tracy - is a model - short cocktail dress; long platinum blonde hair.
BRUCE
Well, hey there, Julie-girl!
Julie turns - and stares in surprise.
JULIE
Bruce... what are you doing here?
BRUCE
Well, I guess like you, I was invited?
JULIE
I didn't know you were in New York.
BRUCE
Since November. Shootin' a movie.
EVA
(Russian accent)
Bruce.
BRUCE
Oh. This here is Eva.
JULIE
Hi.
EVA
Dis party is so borink.
BRUCE
Well, let's liven it up.
Bruce reaches into his pocket and pulls out -
Bruce (cont'd)
I am packing - yes! - Mistletoe.
He holds it over Julie's head and kisses her - just as Daniel returns now with a plate. He stops in surprise -
JULIE
Don't.
Eva giggles. Daniel moving forward now.
DANIEL
Here we go. Coconut shrimp, caviar puffs and - either very new pate or very old cheese.
(To Bruce and Eva)
Hi.
JULIE
Uh - Daniel, this is Bruce Sturgis and...?
EVA
Eva. I am bored.
JULIE
This is my friend, Daniel.
Bruce nods. Eva is no longer paying attention.
DANIEL
Bruce Sturgis. The actor? I like your movies.
BRUCE
I do too. And you, what you do?
DANIEL
I'm an assistant go-fer to the host.
JULIE
Daniel's a photographer. A very fine one.
BRUCE
Really? That's just great
EVA
Bruce. I am very bored. Excite me.
BRUCE
Yeah, yeah. Well. Gotta mingle. Julie-girl, let's get together while I'm here. We'll catch up.
JULIE
All right.
BRUCE
I'll call YA. Oh, and Merry Christmas - what was it? - Ed?
DANIEL
Dan. You too.
Bruce and Eva exit.
DANIEL (cont'd)
How do you know him?
JULIE
We were in an acting workshop when I first moved to the city. And then he left and the next thing - pow.
DANIEL
How is it he has your phone number?
JULIE
He was my boyfriend.
Daniel seemingly really engrossed in the food on his plate.
DANIEL
You know, actually I hate his movies.
(Then:)
But these shrimp are great.
JULIE
Can we please go now?
DANIEL
Julie. I don't want you to go to London.
JULIE
... what?
DANIEL
I don't want you to go. And I don't understand why you'd want to go without me.
JULIE
You should.
DANIEL
Well, I don't.
JULIE
Than I think... we have a problem here.
DANIEL
Yeah... I think we do.
They exit in opposite directions. The Teller enters.
THE TELLER
Intermission. Go have a cup of Christmas cheer. On me! See you ten.
Lights to black.
Act II
The Teller enters. He is wearing a Salvation Army jacket and hat, blowing/bleating loudly on a bugle and carrying a red donation pot.
He looks at the audience. He holds out the pot.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Donations for families in need?
(a beat)
Christmas dinners, clothing and toys for the poor?
(a beat)
Anybody?
Daniel enters and crossing, puts money in the Teller's pot.
DANIEL
Merry Christmas.
THE TELLER
Thank you.
As he exits, Tracy enters and does the same.
TRACY
Happy Hanukkah.
THE TELLER
And to you!
And then Sebastian -
SEBASTIAN
Feliz Navidad, dude.
THE TELLER
Muchas gracias! Dude!
And finally Julie -
JULIE
Happy holidays!
THE TELLER
Peace be with you.
And then, to the audience:
THE TELLER (cont'd)
It's funny, how people who can't really afford it come through the most. And the people who can, well... keep that in mind the next time you pass someone in need. So. Where were we? Oh, yes --
And he turns and looks up. The sign lights up - ONLY 11 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT TILL CHRISTMAS!!!
He exits. Daniel enters. He is wearing the hat and jacket of an elf. He has a round rubber ball on the end of his nose. He stands, looking mortified.
DANIEL
Well? What do you think?
Sebastian and Tracy enter.
SEBASTIAN
I think whatever they're paying you to do this is not enough.
TRACY
I think you're adorable.
SEBASTIAN
He looks like a house pet.
TRACY
He does not.
SEBASTIAN
One of those Chihuahuas with the little harlequin bells around their neck and they go jingle-jingle whenever they tinkle-tinkle.
TRACY
Sebastian! Has Julie seen you?
DANIEL
...no.
Silence. Daniel and Sebastian glancing at one another.
TRACY
Is something going on?
DANIEL/SEBASTIAN
No.
(a beat)
Yes.
TRACY
What's going on, guys?
SEBASTIAN
He and Julie are having a lover's quarrel.
TRACY
Daniel?
DANIEL
More a failure to communicate.
TRACY
I hope you're not going to this one for advice.
DANIEL/SEBASTIAN
No./Yes.
TRACY
Daniel.
DANIEL
Tracy, she's going to London and I don't want her to.
TRACY
Daniel, she's not going anywhere. She should but she can't afford it, no matter how hard she works. So do your Elf thing and make some money and get her a really nice gift that shows her you love her. Because she's going to need that.
(To Sebastian)
And you stop giving people advice. And I don't want hockey tickets for Christmas!
She turns and exits.
SEBASTIAN
You're not still thinking about a ring, are you?
DANIEL
Yes.
SEBASTIAN
Daniel -
DANIEL
She might say yes, Sebastian.
SEBASTIAN
But she might say no.
DANIEL
Than I'll know where I stand.
SEBASTIAN
How much is this elf gig actually paying you?
DANIEL
Twelve an hour.
SEBASTIAN
Okay, come on -
He takes the elf nose off Daniel's nose and drops it on the stage.
SEBASTIAN (cont'd)
- we can do better than that.
As they exit, the Teller enters. He picks up the elf nose, studies it a moment, then puts it on his own nose.
THE TELLER
Do you believe in elves? I do. They like to laugh and play, tell jokes - and above all, they take delight in the making of beautiful things. Of course, one always has to be careful that an elf doesn't become Goblinish. Elves are generous by nature. Their joy is in the giving and sharing of what they create. But when an elf becomes Goblinish, greed enters the equation. His mind turns from creating to acquiring; even keeping what others have created. Sometimes an elf will go off the deep end completely and become - yes - dragonish. A dragonish elf is a terrible thing. He lives, terrified that what he considers his and his alone, will be taken from him. I'm sorry to say there are dragons in the world. We know who they are.
(Taking off the nose)
All too often, they are us.
Ding-a-ling-ling! He points. Only 6 days till Christmas. He exits. Daniel and Julie entering from opposite sides of the stage.
DANIEL
Christmas trees! We have fresh beautiful Christmas trees!
JULIE
Yes, sir, may I take your order.
THE TELLER
(stage right; to Julie)
You may.
(stage left; to Daniel; a different voice)
Do you deliver?
DANIEL
I'm afraid we don't. But I can do it when I get off?
JULIA
Anything else, sir?
THE TELLER
Just the bill, please.
(To Daniel)
That'd be fine.
DANIEL
Do you want to pick one out?
THE TELLER
Why don't you do it for me? A nice six footer. Here's there address and...
(to Julie)
- keep the change.
DANIEL
...sir, this is...
JULIE
A fifty dollar tip.
DANIEL
Really, sir, I can't -
JULIE
I can't take this.
THE TELLER
(to Julie)
Of course you can.
(To Daniel)
Buy something special...
(to the audience)
For a certain someone.
JULIA
Thank you. Thank you very much.
THE TELLER
You're welcome very much.
She exits.
DANIEL
I'll get it over soon as I can. It's going to be a great tree!
He exits at a run.
THE TELLER
I'm sure it will be!
(To audience)
Oh! Did I mention that in Iceland, they have 13 names for Santa Claus. The least offensive of which translate as cheese-curdler, bowl-licker and cask-sucker. Iceland.
He snaps his fingers.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
A restaurant, please.
The sound of clinking plates; the buzz of the restaurant. He exits. Julie enters and moves to a "Service bar".
JULIE
Two diet cokes, a carafe of house white and a bottle of the Pelligrino, Jimmy.
Julie takes out a cell phone and dials.
JULIE (cont'd)
Daniel, answer the phone. Daniel...
She disconnects. She sighs. Bruce enters.
BRUCE
Well, hey, again, Julie-girl.
JULIA
(turning; surprised)
What are you doing here?
BRUCE
I's in the neighborhood. Thought I'd see if you still work here.
JULIE
Still here. Lucky me.
BRUCE
You're still angry with me, huh?
JULIE
No. That would assume I think of you which I don't.
BRUCE
Okay, look, I didn't handle things good. But stuff was happenin', happenin' fast. I didn't know what to say to you.
JULIE
What do you say to Eva?
BRUCE
Aw, c'mon, she's nothing.
JULIE
Everyone is somebody, Bruce.
BRUCE
What about your go-for. Is he somebody?
JULIE
Yes, he's somebody. Unlike somebody else, he happens to be a wonderful guy.
BRUCE
Listen, I want to make up to you, Julie. I got contacts, I know important people. You want a part in my movie? Say so. You need money? I'll write the check. You don't even gotta pay me back.
JULIE
As easy as that, huh?
BRUCE
As easy as that.
Bruce moves to Julie and takes her in his arms. Daniel entering - stopping - just in time to hear:
Bruce (cont'd)
I want us back together, Julie. You and me again.
JULIE
I wanted to hear that from you for so long.
(To soft for Daniel to hear)
And now that I've heard it, I can't believe I wasted even a second thinking about it.
Bruce steps back. Looking up, he now see Daniel. He smiles.
BRUCE
Danny-boy, hey! No worries, I'm just stealin' your girl friend!
Julie turns - and sees Daniel.
JULIE
Daniel, no --
Daniel turns and quickly exits -
JULIA
Daniel!
(Turning to Bruce)
How could you?
Bruce smiles and exits. Julie sags. And then she exits. The Teller enters to watch her go. He turns to the audience.
THE TELLER
Fact.
He raises a scary mask and holds it in front of his face.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
Seven out of ten children prefer Halloween to Christmas.
He lowers the mask.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
It's true. They find Christmas less fun than a pumpkin. The problem is there are too many holidays in general. Christmas begets New Years which begets Valentines Day which begets Easter which begets Mothers Day which begets - the list goes on and on. And poor Christmas - these days it starts around the second week of November and carries through till the second of January. By the end of it, most parents are ready to eat their children and the children know it. Halloween is only one evening a year and if you don't like it, you can turn off your lights and draw your curtains. It's an unfair advantage.
He points. Only three more shopping days till Christmas
He exits. Lightchange. Julie enters and stands, lost in somber thought. Sebastian entering to hand her a check.
SEBASTIAN
Here. Just don't try and cash it for a week, okay?
(a moment)
Hey, come on, cheer up, it's Christmas.
JULIE
He won't talk to me, Sebastian. He doesn't answer the phone. I leave messages. He doesn't call back. I go to his apartment, he's never there. It's like he doesn't want to believe me.
SEBASTIAN
He believes you, Jules.
JULIE
You've talked to him?
He nods.
JULIE (cont'd)
Than why?
SEBASTIAN
He's cutting his losses. He thinks you're going to leave - for London, for jobs, guys like "Ondre" --and you're not going to come back.
JULIE
Sebastian, you can't predict the future.
SEBASTIAN
Julie, don't you know by now there's no bigger idiot thing than a guy in love. We're embarrassing.
JULIE
I need to talk to him.
SEBASTIAN
...all right. I think I know where he is.
He exits. Lightchange.
Julie turning now. A slip of paper in hand. Looking for an address.
The Teller, in overcoat and carrying a grocery bag, enters. He is now:
PHILIP MOORE
You! You there! May I help you?
JULIE
Is this... 237 Gramercy Place?
PHILIP MOORE
Yes. Are you looking for someone?
JULIE
Daniel Moore.
PHILIP MOORE
And you are?
JULIE
Julie.
PHILIP MOORE
Ah, yes. The "actress".
JULIE
Ah. You must be Daniel's father.
PHILIP MOORE
How do you know that?
JULIE
(dryly)
He's "mentioned" you.
PHILIP MOORE
Daniel's not here.
JULIE
You wouldn't know where he is, would you?
PHILIP MOORE
We haven't spoken in quite awhile.
JULIA
Makes two of us. Nice to meet you.
She starts to turn away.
PHILIP MOORE
Wait. Would you like to come in? For a cup of tea?
JULIE
... all right.
Lightchange. Julie spins, looking around as if at the interior of the house. The Teller taking off his coat as:
JULIE (cont'd)
I didn't know.
PHILIP MOORE
Know what?
JULIE
That Daniel was rich.
PHILIP MOORE
Hardly rich. We're well to do. Daniel has never asked me for a penny and I respect him for it.
JULIE
Have you ever offered?
PHILIP MOORE
(a beat)
I take it you and Daniel had a disagreement.
JULIE
How'd you know that?
PHILIP MOORE
Your face is hardly a mask.
JULIE
More like a misunderstanding.
PHILIP MOORE
Mmm. Tell me, how did you get this address?
JULIA
Daniel's friend Sebastian gave it to me.
PHILIP MOORE
Ah, yes, the "art" salesman.
JULIA
He's a gallery owner. He's going to be very successful one day.
PHILIP MOORE
(sarcastic)
I'm sure "all of you" are.
JULIE
Why are you so disappointed in people?
PHILIP MOORE
Who ever said I was?
JULIE
Daniel. He says you wanted him to be a lawyer. Like you. Like his brother.
PHILIP MOORE
Hardly. He can be anything he wants. I just don't want him wasting his life.
JULIE
Is that what he's doing?
PHILIP MOORE
Don't you think so?
JULIE
I think he hesitates to be what he wants to be.
PHILIP MOORE
Which is?
JULIE
A photographer. An artist.
PHILIP MOORE
He's never mentioned it.
JULIE
Have you ever asked? You don't know a thing about him, do you. All you know is he's not like you.
PHILIP MOORE
You are a very rude young woman.
JULIE
No, I'm a very honest young woman who happens to be...
(the sudden realization)
....who happens to be very much in love with your son.
(Then; in a rush:)
Daniel's doesn't tell you anything about himself because he thinks you won't approve. And he cares what you think. He wants your approval. And by the way, he takes silly jobs so he can have time to take care of you and if you ever gave him the least bit of encouragement, there's no telling what he could be.
PHILIP MOORE
Tell me something, if you're so supportive of Daniel why would you choose to leave him?
JULIE
Because he's the one who's encouraged me. He made me believe in myself and think I could be what I wanted to be. And I took him at his word.
(Then:)
Tell him I came by?
PHILIP MOORE
Of course.
Julie turns away. She turns back.
JULIE
Tell him tomorrow night - Christmas Eve! I'll be at his place. Tell him he promised.
PHILIP MOORE
I'll tell him.
She exits. Philip ponders a moment. Behind him Daniel enters; he looks like he wants to bust with happiness.
PHILIP MOORE (cont'd)
Were you listening?
DANIEL
Yes.
PHILIP MOORE
Is it true, what she said?
DANIEL
She loves me.
PHILIP MOORE
About us, Daniel.
DANIEL
Yes.
PHILIP MOORE
How sad. That I should accuse anyone of wasting their life, when I so often question what I've done with my own.
(Then:)
Tomorrow evening. Christmas Eve. Your place.
DANIEL
(smiling)
I heard.
He quickly exits.
THE TELLER
(to the audience)
We'll go quickly now.
He exits. Daniel, in overcoat, enters at a run -
DANIEL
Sebastian! Tracy!! Sebastian!
Tracy and Sebastian enter.
TRACY
Look what the cat dragged in.
SEBASTIAN
Where you been, dude?
DANIEL
Being an idiot. How's Julie doing on this London thing?
SEBASTIAN
She's not gonna get there on what we're paying her.
TRACY
Not unless a miracle happens.
DANIEL
Good.
He turns away as:
DANIEL (cont'd)
Tell Julie tonight! My place! I'll be there! Tell her!
He exits. Tracy and Sebastian look at one another. Both exiting as The Teller enters -
THE TELLER
And now -
He puts on the yarmulke as Julie enters. Julie wears a winter coat; her hair is beneath a woolen cap.
JULIE
(getting his attention)
Saul? Saul, remember me?
The Teller as:
SAUL ROSEN
Daniel's beautiful girl - how could I forget? What can I do you for today? How about a television? Digital, wide-screen, football, beauty pageants - you'll hate yourself, this isn't under the tree.
JULIE
Would your wife still want to buy my hair?
SAUL ROSEN
My wife wouldn't know what do with it. But her niece? You're serious?
JULIE
Yes. But it has to be today.
SAUL ROSEN
We'll call. Find out.
They exit. But not before:
THE TELLER
(taking off the yarmulke)
And now, just as you suspected...
He exits. Larry enters with a cup of take-out coffee.
DANIEL (O.S.)
Larry!!
Daniel entering -
DANIEL (cont'd)
Larry! I was just coming to see you!
LARRY
Danny, hey. What's happening?
DANIEL
You still want to buy my camera?
LARRY
Huh? Yeah, sure.
DANIEL
Right now? Twenty-five hundred cash?
LARRY
Absolutely. Walk with me to the bank. You still want the Nikon!
DANIEL
Uh-uh. Just the money.
They exit. The Teller now enters with a simple chair.
THE TELLER
That -
(gesturing after Daniel and Larry)
- is certainly enough to buy a ring. And this -
(putting down the chair)
- will take her to London. Or perhaps not.
(Then:)
Only eight hours now till Christmas.
A quick ring of his bell and he exits. Julie entering; looking around -
JULIE
...hello?
The actress playing Tracy enters. She is -
JULIE (cont'd)
Mrs. Herschfeld?
EDNA HERSCHFELD
You must be Julie.
JULIE
Yes.
EDNA HERSCHFELD
May I see your hair, please?
Julie takes off her woolen cap. Her hair falls to her shoulders.
EDNA HERSCHFELD (cont'd)
It's lovely. This will a young bride very happy.
JULIE
How much for it?
Edna Herschfeld writes down a number on a slip of paper; hands it to Julie.
JULIE (cont'd)
I was hoping for a little more.
EDNA HERSCHFELD
Sweetheart, it's the best I can do.
Julie hesitates nods. Edna Herschfeld moves to the chair,
EDNA HERSCHFELD (cont'd)
Sit.
Julie sits. Edna Herschfeld takes out scissors.
EDNA HERSCHFELD (cont'd)
So what is it?
JULIE
Sorry?
EDNA HERSCHFELD
The thing you want so much that you should do this.
JULIE
... a gift.
As the lights fade to black, Edna begins to cut. We hear the sound of carolers. They are singing The Twelve Days of Christmas and are on the eighth day. Lights up on:
THE TELLER
The voices of Christmas. Ever since the winter night when angels sang of the coming of a Savior, the holidays have been accompanied by carols. This one? About a series of increasingly silly gifts given on each of twelve days, ultimately leaving the singer with drummers, pipers, lords, ladies, milkmaids, rings and a flock of assorted birds and various barnyard fowl. And a one, and a two -
The Teller leads the audience in a round or two of The Twelve Days of Christmas. Until, cutting them off:
THE TELLER (cont'd)
All right, enough of that.
The carolers now softly begin to hum I'm Dreaming of White Christmas. It continues as:
THE TELLER (cont'd)
( looking up)
It's snowing.
He savors it a moment. And now the Teller moves to the side of the stage and brings out a small, decorated Christmas tree. He places it center stage.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
There.
Lightchange. Daniel's apartment. Pooled light on the perimeter of the playing space again suggest his photographs. The Teller smiles and exits. Julie and Daniel enter from opposite sides of the stage, eyes on one another; happy. Julie, in coat and wool cap, puts down her bag. Then:
JULIE
Hi.
DANIEL
Hi.
(Then:)
Take off your coat, stay awhile.
She does. A moment.
JULIE
I like your tree.
DANIEL
I got a good deal on it.
A moment.
DANIEL (cont'd)
There's something there for you. In the branches.
She looks at him a moment. She moves to the tree, takes the envelope, opens it and removes -
JULIE
An airline ticket?
DANIEL
To London. Coach, but round trip.
(a moment)
Merry Christmas, Julie.
JULIE
I thought you didn't want me to go.
DANIEL
I don't. I'm gonna miss you like crazy. But this is something you should do. And if I can, I want to be the one who helps you do it.
They move into one another's arms; hold one another. And now Daniel's hand goes to the base Julie's neck and he freezes, realizing. Daniel reaches up and takes off her wool hat. Julie's hair is now cut short.
DANIEL (cont'd)
...whoa.
JULIE
It's horrible, isn't it.
DANIEL
No! It's just --- gonna take a little getting used to. I already like it. What happened?
JULIE
I sold it.
DANIEL
Your hair?
JULIE
Your friend Saul's sister in law bought it for two thousand dollars.
DANIEL
That's... not bad.
JULIE
I hate it.
DANIEL
Then why?
JULIE
I wanted to go to London.
DANIEL
You mean - you already bought a ticket?
JULIE
No. I bought this instead.
Julie picks up her bag - takes a gift wrapped box from it. She turns back and offers it to Daniel.
JULIE (cont'd)
Merry Christmas, Daniel.
He hesitates - he opens it. It's the lens from the camera shop.
JULIE (cont'd)
You're a photographer. Not an assistant go-pher to anyone.
A moment. Daniel laughs.
DANIEL
This is... pretty amazing. And really sort of funny in a way. Considering.
JULIE
Considering what?
DANIEL
I sold my camera.
JULIE
What?
DANIEL
To buy your plane ticket.
(Gesturing at it.)
In fact, there's some left over. It should get you through the first couple of weeks.
JULIE
Absolutely not! You've got to get that camera back.
DANIEL
Julie, no, I want you to do this.
JULIE
No!
The Teller enters as -
DANIEL
Hey, I'm not giving you a hard time about the hair.
JULIE
My hair will grow! You can't replace your camera.
The Teller clears his throat. They both turn. The Teller is -
DANIEL
Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
I don't mean to interrupt. The door was open. May I come in?
DANIEL
Yeah. Please.
PHILIP MOORE
So this is where you live.
DANIEL
Yeah.
PHILIP MOORE
It's.... small. But not unpleasant. Hello, Julie.
JULIE
Hi.
(To Daniel)
We've met.
DANIEL
I know.
JULIE
Huh?
DANIEL
Tell you later.
PHILIP MOORE
(looking at Julie's hair)
Something's different. But very becoming.
Philip turns now to stare. At photographs.
PHILIP MOORE (cont'd)
What I really wanted to see were these. These photographs.
(a moment)
All yours?
DANIEL
Yes.
PHILIP MOORE
You know your mother was quite the photographer.
(Then:)
That one's excellent.
(Then: another)
As is that one.
(And then; another)
And this one. Especially this one.
JULIE
Is that...?
DANIEL
My mother.
PHILIP MOORE
It's very good indeed. She was a marvelous woman, Daniel. You remind me of her. Very much. And sometimes that's very hard.
(Then:)
Well. Not only am I late, I'm undoubtably keeping you from your dinner. I just wanted to drop off a small Christmas present. This is for you, Daniel.
He hands Daniel a small velvet jewelry case.
DANIEL
Is this what I think it is?
PHILIP MOORE
I trust you'll cherish it and when the time comes, use it accordingly.
DANIEL
I will.
PHILIP MOORE
Daniel, I was wondering. Would you allow me to buy one of your photographs?
DANIEL
Dad. You don't have to buy anything.
PHILIP MOORE
No, I insist. I have a feeling they're going to be worth a great deal some day. This one of your mother, for example. This one is quite priceless. But hopefully you'll consider this compensation enough.
Reaching into his pocket again, he hands Daniel a check.
PHILIP MOORE (cont'd)
It might even take you as far as London.
Daniel looks at it. He shows it to Julie. Her eyes widen.
DANIEL
Sold.
Daniel hugs Philip - hard. Philip hesitates, then hugs back.
PHILIP MOORE
And now I really must be going.
JULIE
(nudging him)
Daniel.
DANIEL
Oh - Dad - do you want to stay? For dinner.
PHILIP MOORE
Thank you, no. I have a car outside waiting to take me to Cape Cod. I've been invited to your brother's house. Again. Those children, my God. But I'll try to do better this time. Merry Christmas, Daniel.
DANIEL
Merry Christmas, Dad.
PHILIP MOORE
Julie.
JULIE
"Dad".
He exits. A moment.
JULIE (cont'd)
Daniel? Are you all right?
DANIEL
Hmmm? Yeah. Never better.
(Then:)
I love you, Julie.
JULIE
I love you too.
(Suddenly)
Oh, my gosh. I just got goosebumps. My audition, Daniel. Gift of the Magi. Two children who sacrificed the greatest treasures of their house. For each other.
DANIEL
That is so cool.
They're about to kiss - and suddenly Sebastian and Tracy enter.
SEBASTIAN
Hey! Thought you'd be here - whoops!
TRACY
Get a hotel room, you two!
DANIEL
Does anybody knock these days?
SEBASTIAN
Not if you don't close your door.
TRACY
I see wrapping paper.
JULIE
Don't even go there. That gift's being exchanged!
SEBASTIAN
Come on! We're all going out for dinner! On us! We're rich!
TRACY
We sold the Vitz!
JULIE
The what?
SEBASTIAN
The Herman Henry Vitz! The painting we used as a Thanksgiving table!
TRACY
A collector came in - he loved it.
SEBASTIAN
And guess who the artist's exclusive agent is!
SEBASTIAN/TRACY
Us!
SEBASTIAN
Let's hit the snowy streets, sports fans!
They pull on coats; exit, all talking at once.
DANIEL
Okay, but dinner's on me!
TRACY
Daniel, you can't afford soup.
DANIEL
Hey, you're not the only one who sold some work.
SEBASTIAN
Did you do something to your hair?
JULIE
No, it's been like this forever. Duh.
DANIEL
Hey, what'd you two give each other?
TRACY
(rolling here eyes)
Hockey tickets.
SEBASTIAN
She loves hockey!
They're gone. The Teller enters.
THE TELLER
December the 24th. Christmas Eve. The sleigh is now loaded. Its brash is polished, its leather shined. Departure is near. Wouldn't be nice to believe it? Really believe it. But in this modern world that views generosity of spirit as a corporate slogan; in this world where commerce take precedence over charity and profit is more important than people, it has become far too easy to feel that the giving and receiving of a simple Christmas gift is pedestrian -- that Christmas is a chore rather than a blessing. It wasn't always like this. In the beginning, Christmas was a candle lit against the gathering darkness. There were monsters in the world and as the days grew shorter and colder, one could hear their cries. The gathering together was a way of reaffirming hope in the face of that darkness. A way of saying, if we hold hands, the light will come. Well, there are still monsters in this world – dragons, yes. And it is too easy to feel helpless in the face of their fiery breath. In a world where we know too much and believe too little, the ability to pretend that even for a day there is such a thing as Christmas has never been needed more.
Lightchange - twinkling lights dot the ceiling.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
It's time now! Time to take reigns in hand, time to fly! It's clear tonight. I see stars. They are as beautiful as the eyes of God.
A moment. He looks up at the sign. He frowns. He rings his bell. The sign begins to blink -
MERRY CHRISTMAS - MERRY CHRISTMAS - MERRY CHRISTMAS - !
THE TELLER (cont'd)
There.
(Then:)
And as to our young lovers - in a last word, let it be said that of all who give gifts, they were the wisest.
(Then:)
Merry Christmas to all. And to all, a good night.
He turns. He calls back.
THE TELLER (cont'd)
And Happy New Year!
He exits. Lights to black.